No relationship is perfect all the time, but a relationship should feel good to both individuals in the relationship. Here are some things that you can do and expect in a healthy relationship:

• Resolve conflicts fairly
• Know your boundaries (your own and your boyfriends/girlfriends)
• Support your boyfriend/girlfriend in their goals and interests
• Break down a problem and solve it
• Speak honestly
• Value your boyfriend/girlfriend

No relationship is perfect, and there are things that you might have to work on together, but if your boyfriend or girlfriend is putting you down, makes you feel ugly, hurts you, ignores your feelings or disregards your boundaries, or tries to control you then it may be time to end the relationship or get help.

Having sex is a choice and a responsibility. Many youth in Alaska are reporting that they are choosing not have sex. Only 26.2% of Alaskan 9th graders have had sex. Private conversations with boys in particular revealed that they talk about having sex a lot more than they actually are. The best thing to do to make this decision is to get good information so you can decide what is right for you. Consider talking to friends, parents, church leaders, counselors, health practitioners or others that you trust. Get informed and make the decision that is right for you.

• Love yourself. It is important that you are comfortable with yourself. Know your own strengths and be proud of them. If you are happy with yourself, you will be a happier partner.
• Share your feelings. If you are upset or concerned, talk about it. Working through difficult situations builds trust and helps make relationships even stronger.
• Don’t assume you know what someone else is thinking or feeling. If you want to know what is on your partner’s mind — ask. Make sure you are ready to hear the answer.
• Spend time on your own. Sometimes people think a healthy relationship means spending all your time together. It is actually healthier for people to spend time with different people other than with just one person. That way, they can develop their own interests and talents and grow as individuals.
• Communicate openly and honestly about sex. This is the only way your partner will really know what is comfortable for you and what gives you pleasure.
• Take care of your sexual health. In a healthy relationship, both partners talk about and decide if they want to have sex. If both partners choose to have sex, they take responsibility for protecting their sexual health. Check out some resources here: www.sexetc.org, www.iknowmine.org, www.plannedparenthood.org.

If you are ready to end a relationship, there are several things to think about. The first question … is it safe to end the relationship, or should you get help? Here are some other pointers for ending the relationship:

• Communicate your reasons for ending the relationship clearly.
• Do not break up with someone as a way of manipulating them or negotiating.
• Give both of you the time and space to talk about your feelings.
• Choose a public space to end the relationship.
• Try not to be too isolated and make sure other people can hear you in case things get out of control quickly.
• Unless there is a concern about violence, don’t break up over the phone, in a text message, through a letter, or through a friend.